


my moral compass points to you

by windfalling



Category: The Blacklist (TV)
Genre: F/M, Season/Series 02 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-24
Updated: 2015-05-24
Packaged: 2018-04-01 02:28:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4002397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/windfalling/pseuds/windfalling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>It is the memory of her father that she lingers on most: the pull and the kickback against her too-small hands, her father crumpling to the floor, her mother’s scream.</i> Liz, in the aftermath.</p>
            </blockquote>





	my moral compass points to you

**Author's Note:**

> for the following prompt from [the blacklist ficathon](http://inextempore.livejournal.com/3206.html):
> 
> _His hands shake something furious,_  
>  _and you don’t know how to stop them,_  
>  _don’t know if they belong to a killer or a lover,_  
>  _or if there’s even a difference anymore._

**LIZ** : You’re no better than him. […] You’re a monster.  
**RED** : Yes.  
**LIZ** : How can you live with that?  
**RED** : By saving your life.  
1.04 Stewmaker

 

 

 

 

 

**1.**

It takes hours for them to get to the safe house.

Liz spends half of that time with her head resting against his shoulder, eyes closed in an attempt to sleep. But her mind keeps cycling between her father and Connolly, two guns going off, two men staggering back, her fingers at the trigger for both. It is the memory of her father that she lingers on most: the pull and the kickback against her too-small hands, her father crumpling to the floor, her mother’s scream.

“Lizzie,” Red says quietly, and she suddenly realizes that she’s crushing his hand in hers.

She lifts her head and jerks away. “I’m sorry.”

But before she even finishes her apology, he’s pulling her to him again. She leans on him, closes her eyes, and slows her breathing to match his.

 

 

 

 

 

 **2.  
**  
She goes over that moment in her head, those few seconds between taking her gun out and pulling the trigger.

She thinks of Connolly, of how he had threatened her team, her _friends_ , of the leverage he had over Ressler and Cooper and Samar—even Aram, of all people. She thinks of how he threatened Red, too, how her mind had flashed to Red lying on the ground, her hands soaked in his blood and her begging him to live as she watched him slowly die in front of her—

She thinks that she made the decision at that moment.

 

 

 

 

 

**3.**

(Here’s the thing:

She doesn’t regret shooting Connolly.

And if that makes her a monster, well—so be it.)

 

 

 

 

 

**4.**

They finally arrive just as Liz has started to fall asleep at last.

She gets out of the car with Red’s help, tired and groggy from the journey. “Just a few more minutes,” he says, leading her with a gentle hand at her back.

Red brings her to her room, then gestures at the door next to hers. “I’ll be right beside you if you need anything.”

He takes a few steps toward his room, then pauses and turns back, catching her looking at him. She has not moved. Red stares at her for a long moment, mouth parted as if he were about to say something. In the end, he just exhales slowly and moves toward her again.

Red opens her door and follows her inside. She heads straight for the bed, falling onto it with a grateful sigh. Liz pulls her shoes off and lets them drop to the floor, and then moves to one side of the bed. She blinks sleepily at him.

“Red,” she says, just his name, and it’s almost a plea.

He walks away, and for a moment the embarrassment almost shocks her out of her fatigue altogether, but then she hears the locks on her door clicking and she sinks back in relief. His shoes come off next, followed by his coat and vest. She’s already half-asleep by the time he slides next to her. Liz rolls toward him immediately, curling up against his warm body. Red wraps an arm around her and presses his lips to her forehead.

 _Safe_ , she thinks. She is safe here.

“Sleep, Lizzie,” he says, and she does.

 

 

 


End file.
